New Year's resolutions for the canine

• I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

  
  

• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

  
  

• I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

  
  

• When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

  
  

• I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

  
  

• I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.

  
  

• I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

  
  

• I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

  
  

• I will remember my head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  
  

• I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

  
  

• I will remember the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

  
  

• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.