New Year's resolutions for the feline

• My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I will be at peace with that.

  
  

• I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

  
  

• I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

  
  

• I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

  
  

• I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

  
  

• I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

  
  

• If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

  
  

• I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

  
  

• Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

  
  

• When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

  
  

• I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITES!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"

  
  

• I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.

New Year's resolutions for the canine

• I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

  
  

• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

  
  

• I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

  
  

• When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

  
  

• I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

  
  

• I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.

  
  

• I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

  
  

• I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

  
  

• I will remember my head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  
  

• I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

  
  

• I will remember the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

  
  

• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

a gentle growl

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishees.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

ditto

Chris Tucker the comedian

famous animal visits jungle

Andy Young, former mayor of ATL

Kat in native habitat

other animals unidentified